semi colon project 16/4/13
So today i seen on instagram the #semicolonproject416 its an awareness project for people suffering from depression, suicidal, anxiety, is unhappy, just lost a love one etc. normally i hate self harm/depression awareness days with people writing 'keep fighting' 'stay strong' or 'love' on their wrist because it really makes me feel so much worse! the ; represents how you could have ended the sentence (being your life) but you didn't.
For the past year or more i have been suffering with depression/anxiety, i'm only coming to terms with it in the past 5 months and i am trying my best to get over it but it is tough. The semi colon represents all the times i have really wanted to die or kill myself but i have stopped myself from doing so, i would stay awake at night feeling so apathetic and useless i didn't see the point in living and i just wanted everything to be over. If i had have, I wouldn't have met so many amazing people and visited some beautiful places, this makes me so sad to think that i could have ruined my life. I tried to figure out ways to kill the thoughts which i call 'monsters in my head' without killing myself but I have realized that isn't possible so i am trying to tame them. They are evil.
I know this is something very personal to me and very little people know about it but as this is my blog and it is everything in my life, this is a huge part of my masterpiece which i call 'My Life' as i look at my life as a painting. At first i seen it as a huge disaster, allot of the time i still do but really i think it is a lesson. I don't know what the moral of it is, but it means something, something i still have to figure out! If i had have ended my life i would have not figured out what it is. I'm still waiting to find out what the lesson is. That is one thing that keeps me going because i know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and everything will be okay in the end.
Sometimes I think it is never going to end until it ends me, but i'm trying to believe it won't. Even though it is pretty short it was very difficult to write and i felt it was time for me to put this on my blog as it was a suitable day! i love the ; it is the most perfect way to describe how i feel about myself, i could have ended everything but i became strong enough not to. if you understood this and appreciate it i thank you so much as i understand i am not the only one and alot of people go through what i do but in different ways because everything effects everyone differently!
thanks xox
For the past year or more i have been suffering with depression/anxiety, i'm only coming to terms with it in the past 5 months and i am trying my best to get over it but it is tough. The semi colon represents all the times i have really wanted to die or kill myself but i have stopped myself from doing so, i would stay awake at night feeling so apathetic and useless i didn't see the point in living and i just wanted everything to be over. If i had have, I wouldn't have met so many amazing people and visited some beautiful places, this makes me so sad to think that i could have ruined my life. I tried to figure out ways to kill the thoughts which i call 'monsters in my head' without killing myself but I have realized that isn't possible so i am trying to tame them. They are evil.
I know this is something very personal to me and very little people know about it but as this is my blog and it is everything in my life, this is a huge part of my masterpiece which i call 'My Life' as i look at my life as a painting. At first i seen it as a huge disaster, allot of the time i still do but really i think it is a lesson. I don't know what the moral of it is, but it means something, something i still have to figure out! If i had have ended my life i would have not figured out what it is. I'm still waiting to find out what the lesson is. That is one thing that keeps me going because i know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and everything will be okay in the end.
Sometimes I think it is never going to end until it ends me, but i'm trying to believe it won't. Even though it is pretty short it was very difficult to write and i felt it was time for me to put this on my blog as it was a suitable day! i love the ; it is the most perfect way to describe how i feel about myself, i could have ended everything but i became strong enough not to. if you understood this and appreciate it i thank you so much as i understand i am not the only one and alot of people go through what i do but in different ways because everything effects everyone differently!
thanks xox
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